I'm writing this from bed at 5:16 in the morning because, for some reason God planted this seed in my head and my heart at 4am and now sleep is evading me.
I just want to share some advice to all my friends with young kids. From personal experience I know how hard it is to balance having one or in my case two small children and marriage.
Dylan, my youngest, is 4 now so it's been that long since I went through the hardest and darkest days of my life and of my marriage. Looking back now, I think I had post pardom depression but that's just a theory. After having 2 kids back to back I was depressed about my body and quite honestly a lazy mother. I didn't even want to bathe my kids for goodness sake! I shudder when I think about how I was then.
When I was pregnant with Dylan and Jack was 1 1/2 Daniel and I started spending a lot of time with another couple who had 2 babies also. We would spend most of our free time with them, even spending the night at each others houses, kids and all so we could party when the kids went to bed. Needless to say, it was an unhealthy arrangement. We would also switch off babysitting duties, but instead of going out as a couple, we'd do guys night out and girls night out. Daniel and I literally never went on dates just the 2 of us. We weren't interested at the time and it led to our eventual downfall. One of us sought an emotional and physical relationship outside of the marriage (and if you know, you know. If not, than it's not important now). We almost got divorced and were separated for a month. It was awful.
Miraculously, we decided to give it another go which was not easy and at times seemed almost impossible. We both changed some much needed things about ourselves (mine included but was not limited to my lazy ways and his included, among other things, showing more affection). We got a roommate (an old family friend) and instead of paying rent, she paid by babysitting twice a week so we could have date nights. Such a help!!! I cannot stress enough the importance of date night. Seriously. We also, after looking and trying several different ones for months, found an amazing church right down the street which is also so so vital to the success of our marriage.
Our parents were very supportive of us making things work, which helped. My mom always said, to which I rolled my eyes at the time, that we'd either be stronger because of it or we just wouldn't work out. She couldn't have been more right! I can safely say we are more in love now then we even were when we got married and are just supremely happy. I'd never want to repeat our struggles and wouldn't wish them on anyone but, it was the best thing that happened to us. We appreciate each other so much more. And we know now what's important to us as a couple and a family.
I don't know why I felt so strongly this morning to share my experience with others (maybe someone needed to read this today) but I'm glad I did and I hope it speaks to some of you and maybe even helps a bit. Keep on being amazing mothers or fathers and don't forget to be amazing wives or husbands too!!!
Love to you all and God's blessings,
Holly <3
P.S. If anyone has questions don't hesitate to ask! I'd love to help if I can. :)
I just want to share some advice to all my friends with young kids. From personal experience I know how hard it is to balance having one or in my case two small children and marriage.
Dylan, my youngest, is 4 now so it's been that long since I went through the hardest and darkest days of my life and of my marriage. Looking back now, I think I had post pardom depression but that's just a theory. After having 2 kids back to back I was depressed about my body and quite honestly a lazy mother. I didn't even want to bathe my kids for goodness sake! I shudder when I think about how I was then.
When I was pregnant with Dylan and Jack was 1 1/2 Daniel and I started spending a lot of time with another couple who had 2 babies also. We would spend most of our free time with them, even spending the night at each others houses, kids and all so we could party when the kids went to bed. Needless to say, it was an unhealthy arrangement. We would also switch off babysitting duties, but instead of going out as a couple, we'd do guys night out and girls night out. Daniel and I literally never went on dates just the 2 of us. We weren't interested at the time and it led to our eventual downfall. One of us sought an emotional and physical relationship outside of the marriage (and if you know, you know. If not, than it's not important now). We almost got divorced and were separated for a month. It was awful.
Miraculously, we decided to give it another go which was not easy and at times seemed almost impossible. We both changed some much needed things about ourselves (mine included but was not limited to my lazy ways and his included, among other things, showing more affection). We got a roommate (an old family friend) and instead of paying rent, she paid by babysitting twice a week so we could have date nights. Such a help!!! I cannot stress enough the importance of date night. Seriously. We also, after looking and trying several different ones for months, found an amazing church right down the street which is also so so vital to the success of our marriage.
Our parents were very supportive of us making things work, which helped. My mom always said, to which I rolled my eyes at the time, that we'd either be stronger because of it or we just wouldn't work out. She couldn't have been more right! I can safely say we are more in love now then we even were when we got married and are just supremely happy. I'd never want to repeat our struggles and wouldn't wish them on anyone but, it was the best thing that happened to us. We appreciate each other so much more. And we know now what's important to us as a couple and a family.
I don't know why I felt so strongly this morning to share my experience with others (maybe someone needed to read this today) but I'm glad I did and I hope it speaks to some of you and maybe even helps a bit. Keep on being amazing mothers or fathers and don't forget to be amazing wives or husbands too!!!
Love to you all and God's blessings,
Holly <3
P.S. If anyone has questions don't hesitate to ask! I'd love to help if I can. :)
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